starting again. take two thousand twelve.

ive started this post at least 5 times.
1. ..beating myself up for not blogging.
2. ..hating on 2011.
3. ..wishing i had more time.
4. ..afraid to commit in case i fail again.
5.  ..promising to catch up knowing that will NOT happen.


the truth is.. i want to blog!  and im the only one who can make it happen.  when looking back, the long detailed posts make me smile =)), but so do the short everyday ones.  honestly, i know that its cyclical.  just like everything else in life.

it doesnt help that im an all or nothin kind of girl.  its hard for me to find middle ground on just about anything.  scrubbing a stain in the pantry becomes painting the entire thing..  im incapable of doing a load of laundry.  it just piles up til i have [or make] the time to wash, dry and put away every stitch of clothing in the entire house except what everyone is wearing that day... i make all the beds everyday..but if i cannot find the time to clean the floors in the entire house on the same day.. i dont do any of them.  ive seen jimmy buffett 18 times in 13 years.  i cant seem to make time to talk to my best best best friends in the entire world enough (whatever that means)  [unless they live down the street from me]..so i havent talked to them in months.  in my 20s i racked up so many frequent flier miles that i took my entire family on vacation and flew home to texas at least 4 times a year for free. every year. in my 30s well.. hmmm.. there was that trip to chicago in 07, and we went to the east coast in 2008.  seriously.  all or nothing.  personality flaw.. perhaps.  but i guess its who i am?

anyway.. if im going to do this.. i want to do it right! so im secretly [haha.. secretly on the www.  ??]  committing to NaBloPoMo.  secretly... like if you read this YAY!!  but im sure that my mom and my hubby and the little kid and my friends who used to blog all the time too and whoever else that followed this blog for four years before i failllled in 2011 probably wont until i broadcast to them that im blogging again!  so by secretly i mean.. until im in the swing of things again i wont be making that announcement.

wow.  here goes nothing.......