valentines day...

ive always had sort-of mixed emotions about valentines day.. of course i LOVED it as a child. i think most do. valentines parties at school.. getting cards from all your friends.. eating lots of candy.. converstion hearts.. all things every kid loves. as i got older..i always seemed to have a boyfriend..so that made valentines even sweeter. getting flowers at school was one of my favorite things! my boyfriend and my daddy never seemed to let me down when it came to flowers at school! then my junior year in high school.. my nana.. who lived with me my entire life.. fell ill the first week in february. she had a heart attack..and was rushed to amarillo where she underwent lots of tests and a balloon surgery to clear some blockage. she never made it home. she died on thursday feb 10, 1994. and we said our final goodbyes the following monday.. which happened to be valentines day. its never been quite the same for me.

dont get me wrong, we still celebrate. and i have found joy in love and flowers over the years. this is my fourth valentine with the love of my life. kyle is so special to me. and i love making valentines cards with kennedy for her class party. we always try to do something special.. and she always gets awesome gifts from 2 dads. and usually 2 grandpas.. and last year we had a new little heart throb to celebrate with! korb got cards and candy too.. and kyle and i spent too much money on gifts for each other. i got a beautiful journey pendant necklace.. and he got a beautiful blue tooth headset (romantic, i know.. but he's a boy and he likes boy stuff!)

however, this year i am reminded of heartbreak. ive been wrestling with whether or not to blog about this.. but ive decided it makes me love my valentine more and i want to share. i have a very good friend from va beach.. her name is kathy. we worked together for dillard's when i moved to virginia. she's one of the few friends i keep in touch with who knew me when i was pregnant with kennedy.. that seems significant to me. she, together with her mom, helped me buy my first house. ..and sell it, years later. we've known each other thru good times and bad.. she's one of those friends you can not talk to for months and then catch up in minutes. those are the very best kind in my opinion.. years ago kathy met a boy. his name is mike..and she was instantly in love. mike was much younger than kathy..and in the beginning we were not about to let her forget that! funny.. it seems completely insignificant now. kathy and mike were engaged rather quickly.. and then began the debate about 'the wedding'. the when's and the where's.. mike is a navy seal and was always being deployed. he loved what he did. and he loved his fellow seals. and he loved kathy. the wedding debate went on so long..and had to be rescheduled so many times that it became a bit. they would just be engaged forever...last week, mike was killed in iraq. my heart is so broken for kathy. yesterday there was a memorial service honoring him in virginia beach. and today.. she will say her final good byes at arlington national cemetary to the one she loves ~ on valentines day. and im sure it will never be the same for her.

so for me.. valentines day is about more than candy and cards and beautiful flowers (which ive already rec'd from my valentine today! thank you sweetheart!) its about loving your loved ones.. and celebrating with them! this year.. i dont want gifts.. and i dont want a romantic date.. i just want to be with my family. and i want them to know how much i love them. and how much i treasure everyday with them. i want to take awesome pictures of kennedy and korb loving each other. i want to read every card with kennedy when she gets home from school. i want to enjoy an evening together. and i want to fall asleep in the arms of the man i love. that sounds like the perfect valentine's day to me.

i love you mom. im sorry you are missing your mom today.. i know you do everyday. but i also know that today is hard. and 14 years of cushion doesnt ease the pain...i will see you tomorrow. and we will take her some flowers..and maybe some candy. i think she would like that. i know i would.